Professor Paul Gilbert – Strengthening the Mind through the Power of Self-Compassion
How to understand and alleviate suffering, starting with yourself.
A meditation by Paul Gilbert.
A short overview of the lecture prior to the meditation.
Given the tendency of the mind to focus on threat and protection, wanting and achievement, how do we develop the capacity for love and kindness? The relatively recent development in the evolution of mankind of the frontal cortex allows us to focus on safety and kindness through daily exercise.
Our new frontal brain has to cope with an overload of self-doubt and self-criticism and rapid shifts in attention. We have to train ourselves to focus and to choose for loving kindness. This involves turning our attention inward and away from the stimulation of excitement by the modern media. We have to start with slowing down.
The meditation
Go to this video.
Sit up with your back straight and your feet flat on the ground.
Slow down the breath to five breaths per minute and breath deeper down than you normally do. Feel the sensation of your mind slowing down and your body becoming slower, heavier and more solid. Focus on being solid and stable like a mountain. Do this for a minute.
Shift facial expressions a number of times from neutral to friendly face for about 15 seconds each and notice what happens, what you feel in your body when you change facial expression. Friendly face implies having a very gentle half smile and imagining being with someone you really like who you want to greet in this way.
Now combine the shift in facial expression with saying hello to yourself. Saying hello to yourself means saying hello followed by your name, which in my case would be “Hello Frank”. Shift from saying hello in a neutral way with a neutral face to saying hello in a friendly way with a friendly face. Keep on breathing slowly and noticing what happens to you, what you feel in your body.
Now imagine you are the most compassionate being you can be.
As a compassionate being, you have the quality of wisdom. This implies that you know that you just find yourself here, that you have not chosen your brain or this version of life, that you suffer like everyone else, that we are all the same. You already have this wisdom right now.
As a compassionate being, you also have the quality of great strength and fortitude. Feel this strength and solidity, this sense of authority in your body as you sit still and straight.
This is the self that has the quality of commitment. Given that we live in a world of suffering, we commit ourselves to helping others. Think of the joy we get from seeing others benefit from our helpfulness.
And now watch yourself as you move about in the world as this compassionate being. See yourself, your facial expression, your thoughts about the people you meet and the way you interact with those people.
When you wake up in the morning, tune into this person you want to become. Spend two minutes watching this compassionate self. And during the day, you can practice it wherever you are. Be aware of the qualities in yourself you want to develop and practice them.
We can finish with doing some focussing.
Bring to mind someone you love. On the outbreath, you can have two mantras: “May you find peace” and “May you be happy”. Name the person, and on the outbreath, say “May you find peace, [name]” and “May you be happy, [name]”. Notice what you feel when you really wish someone you love peace and happiness. Notice what you feel if they are really peaceful and happy. Do this for thirty seconds, for whoever you bring to mind.
Now we can imagine the compassionate wish for the self. Bring a picture of yourself to mind. On the outbreath, say “May you find peace, [your own name]”, “May you be happy, [your own name]”. Or “May I find peace”, “May I be happy”. Do this for one minute, really wishing it for yourself. See how wonderful it would be if you were really happy and peaceful.
If you notice any resistance to being compassionate for yourself, like “I don’t deserve it” or “If only people knew what I was really like, they wouldn’t be compassionate to me”, make this resistance the object of your compassion. Hold all this stuff that goes on in you compassionately and say “May that which resists compassion in me, find peace”.
The last focus for now. Bring something to mind that you are struggling with at the moment. Look at this through the eyes of your compassionate self. Ask yourself: “How would my compassionate self help me cope with this, and what would happen to it?”
Final Words.
Your angry self, your anxious self and your rushing-around self will turn up automatically, but your compassionate self is something you have to consciously choose to cultivate. So whenever you are struggling, take a deep breath, slow down. Remember your wisdom: you didn’t choose any of this stuff, all the difficulties you’re having. Don’t let an anxious or contemptuous voice take over. Use your compassion to face what is happening: to the best of your ability, create a kind voice in your head, as this will help to soften down some of your difficulties.
Learn to put compassionate self at the center of your being, as a goal in life. This is the self that has wisdom, this is the self that has strength, this is the self that will carry you through. This is the self that has the kindness that you need to calm down the threat system. If you put compassionate self in the center, you will be able to cope with the scary things that we all have in our minds.
There is a story that we all know: compassion is coming down into suffering, Christ came down into suffering. Compassion is finding the strength and the courage and the commitment to face the suffering that is all around us, in our own minds and in the lives of other people.
More about reducing self-criticism
If you want more information on how to tackle self-criticism, you can continue with the following video with Dr. Paul Gilbert: “Talk nicely to yourself”.
Living Compassion 